So why did it take me until January 5th to post my best and worst list?

It's that good people. It's just that damn good!


First the BEST of the BEST!

F*CKED UP.
The band of the year. You've got a singer who sings like a man, unlike every other wimpy band out there. Their album, "Chemistry of Common People," makes my head hurt - it's that good. If you ignore this band, then you're the guy - ten years later - who sits quietly while your friends talk about how F*cked Up changed music. And then you pretend like YOU KNEW. An anecdote to all the sissy boy singers, this is music that gets you to pick up a guitar instead of a therapist.

BLACK DICE
This band sounds less like a band, and more like a group of machines attempting folk music around a campfire. if you're tired of everything that's out there, there's this. A soundtrack to Red Eye, if there ever was one.

F*CK BUTTONS. Their CD, Street Horrrsing, is a mind-altering mess - a horror show of screams, ambient noise and electronica. I play it when I want to beat the crap out of my ears. Luckily, my ears had it coming. And they're too scared to report it to the authorities! "Ribs Out" is the scariest song of the year, and that includes anything by Beyonce.

GORDAN RAMSEY
An alternative to the banal ambivalence permeating things that allow permeation. I watch him, because everywhere I look, every man is a child, talking from the back of his throat like a sad teen reliving third period to this therapist. Sarcasm is not achievement, but thanks to blogs - it is now. Ramsey tells you what to do: work hard, work simply, use fresh ingredients, and make it affordable. I'd probably let him beat me up.

THE WILDHEARTS -
When they performed live two months ago in New York, everyone there knew they were witnessing the tightest, most aggressive band around. If you don't believe me, spend one dollar at Itunes. Buy "Vanilla Radio." It has more twists and turns than an entire Franz Ferdinand record. In his sleep, or on the toilet, Ginger writes pop songs better than people far richer than he is. That's an injustice worth marching against! (or for - hell, i'm drunk)


MARKPRINDLE.COM
the best music site on the planet - not simply for the spot-on reviews or amazing interviews of artists - but for the writing. The dude can write. The joy is knowing that he's not even aware of it. Warning: if virulent anti-Bush rhetoric turns your stomach, avoid the reviews that contain it. It's up to you to figure out which ones those are!

MY WIFE
Every top ten list should include your wife. Because without your better half, you'd be nothing but a dirtbag.

OBAMA
I am not a big fan of his message, but as a messenger, I'm open to what he's doing - I think. As long as he realizes he's the leader of the free world - and ALREADY won the popularity contest -then he needs to be comfortable being a prick. If he can do that, he might do wonders. But if he becomes obsessed with his image, we're screwed. See Jimmy Carter.

THE MELVINS
Their latest CD "Nude with Boots" should have sold millions. It's powerful, melodic metal with a sickening little twist. King Buzzo is more than a legend - he's a genius, and bless him for doing Red Eye. (Note: if you are unfamiliar with the Melvins, go to Itunes, and download "Honeybucket" for a buck. It's the best metal song of all time. I play it every morning while working the quads!)

TOBACCO
His new album, "F**cked Up Friends" is ace (but what's with all the swearing in music these days?), but he's also the leader of Black Moth Super Rainbow. His new record is phenomenal, a continuation of the Dandelion Gum CD (a certified classic record of the past decade - buy that too). It's psychedelic pop straight from bottle of codeine. The best thing from Pittburgh since the Clark Bar. And steel.

EKUSUTE. Made in 2007, but released in 2008, a great Japanese horror flick about a dead woman whose hair won't stop growing. A follicular pervert steals the body and harvests the hair for extensions. Whenever a woman puts the hair in her hair, very bad things happen. it is hairy awesome! I stopped shampooing for a week after seeing it!

SPECTACLE
i just watched the latest episode of this Sundance Channel series- it's the show hosted by Elvis Costello. He's a great interviewer, and recently he had the Police on, and interviewed them separately. Then they performed a medley, a string of "Watching the Detectives," "Walking on the Moon," and Cream's "Sunshine of your Love." Sadly, the producers of the show interspersed the performance with crowd shots -- featuring all pudgy, balding white people, swaying, dancing in an orgy of self-congratulation. It reminded me that nostalgia is worse than porn. Stay away!

HELLBOY 2. More great ideas, creatures, and inventiveness than all of the Indiana Jones movies combined. Also - better than the Dark Knight, which dragged like something that really dragged (sorry, no metaphors today).

FOX NEWS CHANNEL. They continue to employ me, and run the most experimental, subversive show on tv, Red Eye. It's a gutsier thing than anything on the other networks - and, believe me - I'm well aware of it. Red Eye takes more chances than anything on tv or the web - which drives Foxhaters nuts. and for that, i'm truly thankful.

GOLDEN CHICKEN AND RIBS, NINTH AVE NYC
It not only has the best ribs and chicken in Hells Kitchen (perhaps the city), but they employ the best people. Alphonse, the guy who delivers my food - actually returned to my apartment to show me that the twenty I had given him was stuck to another twenty. which leads me to ...

IMMIGRANTS
I've never seen a group of people (i'll say it: Hispanics) who work harder in my life, and for what? To be told they dont deserve to be here? Christ, they came here to make a life, and they work 100 hours a week. The sooner we figure out how to reward those who contribute so much, the better it is for all of us. They aren't villains. The system is.

CARBON/SILICON. Back in London last year, me and the Mrs. caught them live under the Westway, and it might be the greatest night of my life. My wife and I stood in front watching Mick Jones, Glet Matlock, Paul Cook and Tony James rip through songs - all the while boozing. Mick dedicated one song to me and Red eye, which confused the entire crowd. Buy their record "The Last Post." Most of the songs could have appeared on any clash CD without looking out of place. Bonus: Mick singing "Should I Stay or Should I Go," fronting a band of teenage boys, including his nephew. I think they were called the Dirty Curtains. Or Stained Curtains. Either way - it involved curtains.

MY 1953 NASH METROPOLITAN. I always wanted one of these cartoonish cars, and got one - making me an owner of two absurd automobiles (the other: a 59 facel vega HK500). This officially makes me a "collector," and also an "idiot." We drove it up a mountain in August and nearly died. i felt like a man in a sardine can, rolling through an avalanche of tornadoes. Or potatoes. Anyways, my kidneys are dust.

NEIL HAMBURGER
2008 was a great year for him. But 2009 can only be better! Which means, for him - worse!

RED EYE FANS. It's a fact: you cannot be stupid and be a fan of the show. You have to be the smartest person you know. Because the smartest people I know love the show. And those who don't like it are stupid. Hooray for you not being them!

OKAY - NOW THE WORST CRAP

JENNY MCCARTHY. She's done more to hurt children than lawn darts. By spreading the idea that vaccines are bad - she's helping parents hurt their kids through inaction. You may have heard of Maunchausen Syndrome by Proxy - when a mom makes her own child sick, in order to gain attention. McCarthy has Mauchausen Syndrome by Proxy times a thousand - because she makes us all sick.

CNN. Their Gaza coverage is amazing. It's as though you walk in on a mugging, and after the victim has been mugged, you chastize him for defending himself. Only because the mugger, is like, not as big as you or something. I will never get it.

GAY ACTIVISTS. Lay off the Mexican restaurants. I'm all for gay marriage, but not for angry brunching.

UNEMPLOYED SNARKY MEDIA BLOGGERS: for the last five years they've taken glee in watching people lose their jobs in newspapers, magazines, etc. It wouldn't be so bad if their targets were filthy rich jerks. But most targets are nobody reporters. Which is why it's been fun watching the very same bloggers who laughed at the misfortune of the freshly unemployed, suddenly forced to load up on Campbell Soup. Here's a tip, now that you have free time: find any job - ANY - that requires reporting. It's fun and far more fulfilling to do the original work, than blogging about original work done by other people.

GUITAR HERO. I've said it before: this is the purest example of achievement finally divorced from hard work. Rather than learn to play an instrument, spend hours pretending to play one! Yeah!

PIMPLES. I'm 44 and I still get them. It seems to me that God is piling on - giving me both a curse of youth, and a curse of the aged (wrinkles). Shouldn't wrinkles wait for the pimpling to stop before it kicks in? In a just world, the answer is yes.

With her pierced nose and ripped jeans Eliana Burki is a symbol of anarchy in the Swiss alphorn scene.

The alphorn was used by shepherds in the 18th century to communicate across the Alps. Burki, aged 25 and from Bern, became fixated by the traditional instrument at the age of five and was performing in concerts alongside adults from the age of nine.

Daily practice allowed her to go beyond the 12-note range of most players and use the alphorn in a blues-funk-jazz style that is at odds with the more purist form. The result landed her a record deal and a chance to work with David Bowie producer David Richards.

"You can compare it to the punks of the 1970s. I feel like them," she told swissinfo. "The instrument is difficult to play and I needed to practise for 20 years to develop this virtuosity. I take it to the limits but there are many more limits waiting for me."

Hard-line Iranian student groups have asked the government to authorize volunteers to go carry out suicide bombings in Israel in response to the Israeli assault on the Gaza Strip.

The government of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had not responded to the call by Wednesday. Five hard-line student groups and a conservative clerical group launched a registration drive on Monday, seeking volunteers to carry out suicide attacks against Israel.

In an open letter to Ahmadinjead, the students said "volunteer student suicide groups ... are determined to go to Gaza. You are expected to issue orders to the relevant authorities in order to pave the way for such action." A copy of the letter was made available to The Associated Press on Wednesday.

Volunteer suicide groups have made similar requests in the past and the government never responded to their calls. Some hard-liners have claimed previously they succeeded in secretly sending bombers to Israel, but their claims have never been verified, and there has not been any sign of Iranians carrying out suicide attacks in Israel - raising the likelihood the groups' activities are mainly for propaganda purposes.

In yet another example of how junk science has opened the barn door to even junkier science: behold "third-hand smoke."

In the latest issue of the medical journal Pediatrics, researchers have created a new nicotine demon: this time it's the residual smoke that lingers even after your cigarette has long gone out. Like a deadly ghost of cigarettes past, it pollutes the atmosphere, killing innocent babies and ottomans - even those that aren't present at the time.

This research, as you can guess - is geared toward one end only: the banning of all smoking on private property – including your home.

But look, most serious researchers knew decades ago that second hand smoke was a farce, but most were too scared to speak up, while others saw it as a self-righteous way to look sensitive and get butt loads of grant money. But the problem is, once you`re addicted to junk science – you can`t stop. What's next after third hand smoke? Fourth-hand smoking? Where you can actually feel the negatives effects of smoking simply by staring at an unopened pack of cigarettes?

I`m told even the blind are not immune.

But get this: after saying that a smoker`s third hand smoke is bad for babies – the researchers then note that a smoker breastfeeding a baby is still preferable to bottle-feeding. So after all this crap about poisoning the atmosphere, they're basically saying breast milk laced with cigarette`s toxins is still better than pure stuff from a bottle. Theoretically, a smoking mom that breastfeeds might be a better mom than a nonsmoking mom who bottle feeds!

Now put that in your baby and smoke it!

For Mr Invisible, the first and last blow to his burgeoning career as a superhero was an unexpected punch that flattened his nose.

"After months of designing my costume, getting my street moves just right, it was my first week out as a Real Life Superhero – and probably my last. This tiny, tiny girl did not like me trying to calm down her screaming boyfriend. She blindsided me, I'm still bruised. It's dangerous out there," said the deflated would-be crime fighter last week.

Mr Invisible is cheered that at least his grey one-piece "invisibility suit" works, proven when a drunk urinated on him in an alley. But he is weary of lurking in dark, down-town Los Angeles after dark.

The 29-year-old graduate is "refocusing" on his day job as an insurance salesman. His farewell appearance will be at a New Year's Eve party.

Mr Invisible may be living up to his name but his spray-painted "supershoes" will quickly be filled by another Real Life Superhero eager to save America from itself. There are, according to the recently launched World Superhero Registry, more than 200 men and a few women who are willing to dress up as comic book heroes and patrol the urban streets in search of, if not super-villains, then pickpockets and bullies.