A Seattle man accused of peering at his young female neighbors with binoculars couldn't help it because the women's blinds were up, his wife says.

Police reported the man acknowledged watching the neighbor women through their uncovered windows, but the man's wife defended him, saying the women left their blinds up and were "putting on a show" by walking around naked, the Seattle Times reported Wednesday.

Officers didn't cite the man and told the neighbor women, whose ages were not provided, to get their blinds fixed, the newspaper said. The report noted that the women said the blinds were broken but that they would ask their landlord to make repairs.

This is the story that has rocked New York city. Bill Schulz – anyone's ideal big brother, has been rejected by the Big Brothers and Big Sisters program – and so far no reason has been given. Bill has contacted them, but received no reply.

So, why did they reject Bill? Was it because he's a single man with no kids? That can't be – that's the ideal big brother, I would think. Was it because he may be a shape-shifting timetraveler - and possibly been involved in a triple homicide back in the 1400's? No, but I think you're close. Fact is, the reason why Bill was rejected, in my opinion, was that he works here at Fox News, and he's my sidekick at Red Eye. Clearly, BB did their background check and found out where Bill works, and the kind of things he says every night – and became deeply disgusted with him.

I supposed they should be. I, after all, call him my disgusting sidekick for a reason. But is it fair for them to reject him? That's the question I am asking. Right now there's a dearth of Big Brothers – and Bill loves nothing more than to go to ball games and see movies designed specifically for 12 year olds. So I ask everyone here: is this Big Brother Program guilty of liberal bias, or do they know something about Bill that we don't?

Until Big Brother responds with a definitive answer, I prefer to think it's because Bill Schulz is a shape-shifting time traveler.

And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.

A British man is begging medical experts for help after he started turning into a woman.

Pub singer Terry Wright, 60, said children in his Birmingham neighbourhood had started taunting him with shouts of "she-man" after he started losing his beard and hair and began developing breasts and smooth skin about 10 years ago, The Sun newspaper reported.

"I am a man, not a woman. And I do not want to be a woman. I just want to get my life back to normal," Mr Wright told the paper.

Blood tests showed the father of five had abnormally high levels of the female hormone estrogen but his doctors said they had never seen such a case and did not know how to treat him.

"Doctors call me an 'interesting case' and 'unique' but I just want to go back to being a proper man," Mr Wright said.

"I get mocked by kids where I live who call me she-man and other names. Once a child bumped into me and its mother said, 'Say sorry to the lady.' My mates are shocked at my appearance but try to make light of it by saying I'm just a pretty-looking man."

So last week I read somewhere that the Phoenix Lander has apparently discovered soil on Mars that's very similar to the dirt I`d find in my backyard. But unless there`s also a Guatemalan houseboy named Ricardo buried in that dirt, I`m assuming that`s where the similarities end.

This so-called news means we may be able to grow vegetables on the red planet – unappetizing greens like asparagus, brussel sprouts, spinach and other crap that does not qualify as actual food. To me, the thought of turning Mars into a vat of vegetables is exactly what`s wrong with America.

See, when I was growing up, Mars was frightening. Martians were not friendly – even Ray Walston seemed creepy to me. But now, in a culture overrun with nanny-state do-gooders, we want to turn that angry planet into a salad bar. Instead, I think if life can be cultivated there, why not send our criminals? I mean, Australia is already full.

Finally – growing food on other planets raises a larger dilemma. What if we were to discover the perfect steak on Mars, but that gorgeous piece of meat has an IQ that matches ours? Could you eat something as smart as you - even if it made the mouth water thinking about it? Imagine stumbling upon a river of glorious ice cream, only to find that these succulent scoops happen to be practicing Buddhists. Would you have them for dessert?

I suppose I would. But then again, I had a UPS delivery man for breakfast. What can I say...he fell into the pit.

And if you disagree with me, you probably smell like cabbage.

Muslim passengers may not be touched by sniffer dogs of the British Transport Police after complaints that the practice is against Islam. According to the religion, dogs are deemed to be spiritually "unclean".

A Transport Department report has raised the prospect that animals should only touch passengers' luggage because it is considered "more acceptable", the Daily Express reported. The ban may restrict the efficiency of sniffer dog squads which have been trained to spot terrorists at railway stations.

On Thursday night, British Transport Police insisted that it would still use sniffer dogs with any passengers regardless of faith, but handlers would remain aware of "cultural sensitivities".

The Transport Department report follows the trials of station security measures in the wake of the 2005 London suicide bomb attacks. In one trial, certain Muslim women said the use of a body scanner was also unacceptable because it amounted to being forced to strip.

Following this presidential campaign is like watching a friend of yours dump a psychotic, potentially homicidal girlfriend. In this case – Obama is the friend, and the crazy soon-to-be ex is the left. In the beginning, Obama could indulge the crazies over at the Huffington Post and Move On.org, simply because, back then, the rest of America didn`t know who he was. He could be every bit as loopy as they are – because the saner folk were too busy working real jobs.

But now that he has the nomination, he can drop the Wesley Clark`s of the world like a chlamydia-infested potato. Suddenly among the normal, Obama can no longer hold onto those nutty beliefs - which means, he must turn right. I predicted this months ago – the Democrats know you can`t run left because you`ll lose – which is funny, when you think about it. The only way your party can win, is to abandon your party`s beliefs.

See for yourself: Obama has flipped on the death penalty and thinks guns are peachy. He's accepted the foreign surveillance act and he's no longer entertaining high tea with Ahmadinejad. Now he`s up for expanding President Bush's faith-based programs, and blasted Moveon.org for calling General Petraeus a traitor.

His crazy ex-girlfriend must be cutting up his underwear.

But it`s not over yet. You wait until Obama returns from Iraq– speaking of the brave troops, how violence has decreased and that the surge is working – and how, in effect, we are winning the war. At this point he will embrace the phrase his lefty brethren mocked so well, which is "stay the course," and ultimately acknowledge that the whole thing might have been worth it after all. Once he abandons his idiotic stance on capital gains, the makeover will be complete.

So sit back and enjoy it, as the unbalanced ex-girlfriend roils in her basement apartment, blogging about her heartbreak to her loathsome friends, as the rest of us realize that Obama isn`t running against McCain, he`s turning into him.

And if you disagree with me, then you`re worse than Eric Alterman.

A 17-year-old plunged his car off the summit of Pikes Peak this afternoon, in authorities said appeared to be a suicide attempt.

The teen's 1985 Nissan Maxima plunged more than 1,000 feet down the ravine strewn with boulders and skree. He pulled himself from the wreckage, but it took hours for local rescuers and military helicopters to make the daring rescue.

[...]

He was taken to Memorial Hospital in Colorado Springs in stable condition, Sperry said. He would not identify the teen-ager except to say he was from Colorado.

Witnesses in the parking lot saw the teen's car plunge off the north side of the parking lot at about 1:15 p.m.

Police say the incident was a suicide attempt stemming from a relationship between the boy and his girlfriend that had recently ended.

So across the country, many counties are canceling their Fourth of July firework displays for budgetary reasons.

On the upside, this is a huge victory for skittish dogs. I can remember as a child, watching my poor miniature schnauzer, Chipper, run in circles as loud noises and flashing lights punctuated the night. It got worse when the fireworks started. It made me cry to see him so scared, especially while wearing that tutu.

But who cares. I'm more broken up about the continuing emasculation of home fireworks - the fast-moving eradication of big thunder artillery balls, finned missiles, barrel bombs, red lanterns, multi-tube fountains and flash crackers. In my neighborhood, The Fourth of July always meant four words for some unfortunate chap: "he lost an eye." Instead, we get sparklers and snakes. You can`t subtract a finger from either of them.

That's a tragedy. The best part of growing up is the potential that growing up might not happen at all– that, at six years old, you might not make it to seven because you tried to shoot a bottle rocket out of your butt and instead, it unraveled your intestines. Childhood now exists in a full body helmet, and Roman Candles seem as far removed as Roman Polanski`s roaming hands. Oh how I miss my hidden stash of m-80's and those glorious stacks of Panda firecrackers in their smelly red packages, reeking of gunpowder. More important, I yearn for the stench of a dead bottle rocket floating in a bucket of water. It`s an aphrodisiac for arsonists. Alas, now we must look to the sky for our thrills. Or simply make our own.

I, for example, just constructed a Blockbuster out of a Duraflame log and a cat.