So Obama is holding a townhall meeting right now (cue hearty applause from a sea of clapping seals) to tout his monstrous health care overhaul – more evidence that we`re entering the hard sell phase of something so unnecessary it`s actually turning our President into a sweaty huckster. But thankfully for him, he doesn't have to do it all himself- the networks are doing Obama`s pitching (and catching) for free.

Look, with this sort of thing, you gotta go with your gut: when someone is trying to sell you something way too hard, the thing he`s selling ain`t good.

And the only thing you have to remember about health care is this: if Obama had to choose between the current system, and the system he`s envisioning for all of us, he`d run screaming to the former. You saw him in that ABC infomercial - when asked by a neurologist (which is a real doctor, I think) what he would do if his wife or child got seriously ill. Wouldn`t Obama want the best damn care possible, nationalized health care bureaucracy be damned? At that point, Obama started thinking like a human again, not a teleprompter, and could no longer defend his plan. Instead, he said, "it's my family member, if it's my wife, if it's my children, if it's my grandmother, I always want them to get the very best care."

What, nothing about controlling costs?

In effect, what`s good for Michelle and Malia, is not good for the rest of us.

No wonder Obama needs to sell us this thing.

Even he doesn't even want it!

So according to a new poll by WorldPublicOpinion.org, Barack Obama is the most trusted political leader in the world. The poll was of nearly 20,000 residents of the largest nations, including even Macau. Oh how I love Macau. From my own experience, the authorities tend to look the other way when it comes to so many things.

So Obama was right: he truly is the citizen of the world, even as his own country is left wandering and confused. I suppose it`s easy, however, for Jabrail in Azerbaijan to swoon over Obama, when he`s not faced with cap and trade, nationalized health care, and those new mandatory curly light bulbs. But then again, in Azerbaijan, I guess you`re just happy to have any kind of light bulb. Even if it`s a candle shaped like a light bulb.

But I digress. The poll looked at "confidence ratings," and found that while Obama had the highest, and would "do the right thing regarding world affairs," Vladimir Putin and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had the lowest. Now, these standings might mean something, if Obama actually had the balls to take advantage of them. I mean, what`s the use of being loved, if you can`t actually scare the crap out of those who love you? It`s what confuses me most about our President. He chose initially to sit on the sidelines - as the people of Iran cried out for help - preferring to see which dude wins. A true leader, however, would know that it`s not the leaders who matter, but the people caught in the middle.

Which is why Obama`s recent response to the Honduran mess is even more bizarre. Immediately after the coup – Obama raced to condemn it. So our President develops a spine over an abducted politician in pajamas – but not about widespread bloodshed of innocent folks in Iran? Where the heck are his priorities, or his sense of proportion?

Does Obama make a list of things that piss him off, and if so - what`s at the top? Fascism or poorly inflated tires? The murder of innocent protestors, or midtown bodegas that sell cigarettes to teens? Nukes pointed at Hawaii, or sugary sodas at school? Our nation`s prosperity or his abs?

I don`t know. Which is why – at least for now - I`m taking down my Obama poster from the ceiling above my bunk bed. I`m replacing it with a poster of Sarkozy. He's got abs, and balls!

I'm doing my last two entries on tonight's show. Andy's back, and looking healthy! Bill's here, and looks like Bill!

Now imagine you were somebody who only got your news from USA Today. What a weird world view you`d have.

For one, you`d think colorful pie charts solve every problem, and you`d also think our military consists of nothing but troubled head cases. In the past year or so, USA Today has done little more than paint our military as rife with suicide, mental health problems, divorce, troubled kids and of course – alcohol and drug abuse.

Let's look at the most recent USA Today piece on alcohol abuse. The paper reported that "Soldiers...with alcoholism or alcohol abuse, such as binge drinking, increased from 6.1 per 1,000 soldiers in 2003 to an estimated 11.4 as of March 31."

That is disturbing, no doubt – and it`s all from military data. But what happens if you compare that figure to our general population? Well, according to the National Institutes of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 15.5 percent of the general population report episodes of binge drinking in 2006 - and for males alone – the number jumps over 20 percent.

Okay, think about that. Twenty percent of males in the general population binge drink – that`s one in five.

In the military - largely made up of young males who deserve to drink - it`s six soldiers per 1,000.

What does that tell you? Well, first: our soldiers seem far more well-adjusted than USA Today would like to let on. And also: our soldiers are far more capable of handling alcohol than non-military bozos like myself.

That should be no surprise: these are discipline dudes, and unlike me, their jobs require them to be clear-eyed and sober. As a magazine veteran and a television talking head, I can safely say that nearly all media jobs can be done drunk. The only dangerous machinery we face is an elevator.

Now to be fair to USA Today, my analysis is not perfect (I`ve had four martinis already). And I confess I`m not comparing apples to apples – the NIAAA stat was collected differently than the number cited in USA Today. Still, there`s a fundamental truth here: Our military doesn`t just rock physically, but also psychologically. It`s a truth that goes against USA Today`s and most film directors` desire to paint our soldiers as ticking time bombs.

Finally, buried in the same USA Today piece is another interesting fact: "Enrollments in drug abuse treatment programs have remained largely unchanged in the Army during the war, rising from 3.7 per 1,000 in 2003 to an estimated 4.2 as of May."

Think about that. As rehab clinics in America become more commonplace than bowling leagues – the Army presses on during the toughest of times.

I`ll drink to that.